"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry...I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." ::1 Corinthians 7:1, 7-8::
[Disclaimer: This post is about AIM and dating relationships. It's a long post, so I'm not offended if you aren't interested and don't read it. Many only know that AIM discourages dating, so I thought I would explain AIM's standpoint as well as my own opinion on the rules.]
Tonight we had a purity class. It was rather repetitive as I have heard the same message many times before, but a good reminder for all of us nonetheless. AIM, like Harding, is a place where many find their future spouses. We are united in common purpose, ideals, and time. Everything we do is with the same group of people. We live together, eat together, go to the same classes, same trips, and just hang out together. On the mission field with a smaller group, we'll do many of the same things as well as go through culture shock and grow in faith together. It's easy to see why AIMers wind up falling in love by the end of two years.
Our directors have no problem with AIMers marrying AIMers, they even encourage it-- with one major condition: that it's AFTER AIM. This is emphasized constantly. When it was announced that two of our AIM assistants got engaged two weekends ago, there was celebration as well as a reminder that they started dating AFTER AIM.
Dating is highly discouraged during AIM. It is not because there is anything wrong with dating, holding hands, or kissing. It's simply because dating is a distraction. It can be a very good distraction, but we are here for one purpose: to become a missionary apprentice. Our directors want that to be our major focus. As I came to AIM, I knew all of this. It really isn't too much to ask. I am here for that one reason: to learn how to serve God best as a missionary, not to find a mate. It's not that it's impossible to be a missionary married or even with a family; the point is that in this program, AIM, they want to limit distractions.
AIM is an intensive program for only two years. I am content knowing that I won't be getting married within two years; since there isn't even a guy right now, that's not a big deal to me. However, while AIM discourages dating, it is allowed with strict guidelines. I know quite a few AIMers who are dating, but all are in long distance relationships. The conditions are to limit physical contact completely. No holding hands, kissing, or long hugs. This may seem extreme, but there's no denying the fact that physical touch escalates a romantic relationship. That is why they don't allow it. Dating relationships also create...drama. It's hard to forget the average age of AIMers is 19. Many are just out of high school and don't know what to do without drama.
If a relationship appears to be becoming a distraction, the AIM directors will give them the option to break up and remain, or leave to pursue a more serious relationship. It's not the same as getting "kicked out," but rather I see it as a test as to where your main focus lies. A relationship does not need to get serious during these 2 years; there's plenty of time after AIM, especially if you become good friends first. Imagine a relationship built on two years of strong friendship! It's a foundation I would like for my marriage.
It may seem crazy to date without holding hands even, but really, I'm not here to date. Who knows if I will find a guy I'm interested in, but even if I do, that is not my purpose for being here. I have committed to AIM, to myself, and to God to be completely focused on learning how to serve God best as a missionary. I am not opposed to dating, but I do not want a relationship to consume my concentration for these 2 years. It's only 2 years. Why not pursue strong friendships based upon our commonalities and see where God takes us after our time on the field?
There is one other view I feel it is important to mention: the apostle Paul's. In 1 Corinthians 7 (quoted at the very beginning of this post), Paul makes an argument that it is better to stay single. Now, I personally want to get married. I want a family, and I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life. But there is truth in that some can better serve God by remaining single. Paul admits that not all have the gift to remain single; it is not a sin to marry or to remain single. Paul, however, was able to travel freely as a missionary because he was single. The same could be said for us AIMers. For now, these specific two years, we can learn and serve better as missionary apprentices while remaining single.
I realize that AIM's position is very strict. I don't know that I completely agree with it. I do know that I came to AIM knowing their rules and guidelines and agreed to follow them for the two years I am an AIMer. I knew what I was getting into; I am grateful for the intensive and focused nature of AIM. I do not believe that it is for everyone. There are other ways to serve God and become a missionary, but I felt called to this specific path. Who knows, maybe I will marry an AIMer, but I do know that any weddings will be AFTER AIM.
-ej
[Disclaimer: This post is about AIM and dating relationships. It's a long post, so I'm not offended if you aren't interested and don't read it. Many only know that AIM discourages dating, so I thought I would explain AIM's standpoint as well as my own opinion on the rules.]
Tonight we had a purity class. It was rather repetitive as I have heard the same message many times before, but a good reminder for all of us nonetheless. AIM, like Harding, is a place where many find their future spouses. We are united in common purpose, ideals, and time. Everything we do is with the same group of people. We live together, eat together, go to the same classes, same trips, and just hang out together. On the mission field with a smaller group, we'll do many of the same things as well as go through culture shock and grow in faith together. It's easy to see why AIMers wind up falling in love by the end of two years.
Our directors have no problem with AIMers marrying AIMers, they even encourage it-- with one major condition: that it's AFTER AIM. This is emphasized constantly. When it was announced that two of our AIM assistants got engaged two weekends ago, there was celebration as well as a reminder that they started dating AFTER AIM.
Dating is highly discouraged during AIM. It is not because there is anything wrong with dating, holding hands, or kissing. It's simply because dating is a distraction. It can be a very good distraction, but we are here for one purpose: to become a missionary apprentice. Our directors want that to be our major focus. As I came to AIM, I knew all of this. It really isn't too much to ask. I am here for that one reason: to learn how to serve God best as a missionary, not to find a mate. It's not that it's impossible to be a missionary married or even with a family; the point is that in this program, AIM, they want to limit distractions.
AIM is an intensive program for only two years. I am content knowing that I won't be getting married within two years; since there isn't even a guy right now, that's not a big deal to me. However, while AIM discourages dating, it is allowed with strict guidelines. I know quite a few AIMers who are dating, but all are in long distance relationships. The conditions are to limit physical contact completely. No holding hands, kissing, or long hugs. This may seem extreme, but there's no denying the fact that physical touch escalates a romantic relationship. That is why they don't allow it. Dating relationships also create...drama. It's hard to forget the average age of AIMers is 19. Many are just out of high school and don't know what to do without drama.
If a relationship appears to be becoming a distraction, the AIM directors will give them the option to break up and remain, or leave to pursue a more serious relationship. It's not the same as getting "kicked out," but rather I see it as a test as to where your main focus lies. A relationship does not need to get serious during these 2 years; there's plenty of time after AIM, especially if you become good friends first. Imagine a relationship built on two years of strong friendship! It's a foundation I would like for my marriage.
It may seem crazy to date without holding hands even, but really, I'm not here to date. Who knows if I will find a guy I'm interested in, but even if I do, that is not my purpose for being here. I have committed to AIM, to myself, and to God to be completely focused on learning how to serve God best as a missionary. I am not opposed to dating, but I do not want a relationship to consume my concentration for these 2 years. It's only 2 years. Why not pursue strong friendships based upon our commonalities and see where God takes us after our time on the field?
There is one other view I feel it is important to mention: the apostle Paul's. In 1 Corinthians 7 (quoted at the very beginning of this post), Paul makes an argument that it is better to stay single. Now, I personally want to get married. I want a family, and I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life. But there is truth in that some can better serve God by remaining single. Paul admits that not all have the gift to remain single; it is not a sin to marry or to remain single. Paul, however, was able to travel freely as a missionary because he was single. The same could be said for us AIMers. For now, these specific two years, we can learn and serve better as missionary apprentices while remaining single.
I realize that AIM's position is very strict. I don't know that I completely agree with it. I do know that I came to AIM knowing their rules and guidelines and agreed to follow them for the two years I am an AIMer. I knew what I was getting into; I am grateful for the intensive and focused nature of AIM. I do not believe that it is for everyone. There are other ways to serve God and become a missionary, but I felt called to this specific path. Who knows, maybe I will marry an AIMer, but I do know that any weddings will be AFTER AIM.
-ej
Very interesting thoughts. I'm in agreement with your perspective and can't think of anything to add at the moment. Thank you for sharing.
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